Brain Trust

 There had been so much change in the past few years. That placeholder job was short lived I learned that job path was not right for me and gave me respect for housekeepers.

After that there was a move and two new positions in the time from of a year in that area. I was residential staff in a children’s treatment program and covid started during that position. Then I transitioned to a case  manager position. I had about three full months of cases by myself before we moved states and I started a similar job.

We packed and moved both me and my husband started new jobs and my kids started new school and daycare. I have an awesome right hand person at work. I miss the person terribly and am anxiously awaiting her return from maternity. The past 2.5 months have been stressful. I had two cases break open back to back. The first one at the end of may which I had been on top of everything in may. The second one at the beginning of June and it backed me up that month. 

This experience had me struggling because I was swamped with my position at work. On top of that I have an internship I am doing hours for and my family to balance with everything. I started to question my ability to do everything. I felt like I was loosing my mind. Some times I still feel as though I am loosing it.

I feel like I really need some self care.

Reflection

  

I came across this and almost started crying. I have been feeling so far away from my faith and spirituality. Once I read this I realized that as much as during the difficult past two and a half months that I had at work the above prayer was true. So many times I felt as if I just wanted to walk away from the job I was doing. As I read this I realized that God gave me the strength to push through and stay during the tough times. He even gave me the strength to continue to return day after day when I was exhausted, drained both mentally and physically.

Each time I look back up at that prayer it nearly brings tears to my eyes. I know I still need to draw even closer to god because my patience with my family is null since I use it all day with my clients. 

Refreshing Body and Mind

I had lost a job I adored before I went on a family vacation. The vacation cleared my mind and rested my body. Though I still think occasionally about the mistake that cost me the job I loved so much. Every so often I wish I could go back and change what happened. 

I have since started a new job. It is nice to be able to truly leave work at work. Though I still miss the old position I held and I loved those  and men as family its nice to have my nights off.  At my current job the position is much more physically demanding but less stressful.  Sometimes I miss the old schedule and being able to plan time to relax and clean the house.

This new position has refreshed my mind and body. My soul still needs refreshing. I have been so far out the word of God that my soul and my attitude need adjustment. I just have not felt like I could sit down and open the bible. I can't even get myself to pray.

I enjoy my new position though I know its a placeholder position for me. I plan to eventually go back to school to get a masters degree. I am ready to try and reenter my field since I have several years of experience.

Forwards and backwards

As I look to the future I look back and think of moments of clarity and difficulty. One big moment of clarity that I can remember is when I felt in my soul that God told me to start a not profit working with pregnant outcast and even runaway  teen girls. That clarity came to me a few months before college graduation. I was engaged and knew my then fiancé was going into politics is some manor and didn’t know how the two would work together.  Honestly I still have only ideas of how I want to carry out this calling. At the end of college I thought that I would and planned to get a masters in pastoral counseling figuring that would help me the most as my calling would lead me to create and open a non profit and my role would be dual as director and a counselor to bring families back together.

But as graduation came and went myself and fiancé ( now husband of 7 years) got married and moved out to Oregon. Where I attempted my hand at running my own business with a great company thirty-one gifts while looking for something full time. At that time my husband had a great job for having just graduated college. Me on the other hand had a few interviews but no luck finding a job the whole time we were out there and never really got my business off the ground because it was proving to be extremely difficult to find interested ladies to host parties for a company they were not familiar with.  After a year out in Oregon we moved back.


Through all this I had no drivers license and at the point when we moved back I found a few jobs that didn’t last very long. When we moved back it was for my husbands job he started his own consulting business and did political consulting for campaigns. Once I finally found a job that lasted more than a few months I once again started thinking about masters programs and began to focus in on the idea of marriage and family therapy because I was working in residential psychiatric facility and saw three types of families 1) the totally involved and supportive, 2) the mildly involved but supportive and 3) the uninvolved. So I began to see how I could use marriage and family therapy in my non profit and also outside the non profit.  Around the two year mark at that job aside from feeling burnt out we had moved closer to family and further from the job. Prior to moving we had a child and decided that being closer to family was important.

After being settled for a while in the new rental we found I started applying to new jobs. I had two different interviews with the same company that I work at now the first was for a case manager/ house manager position but someone else got that job offer and the second was for residential coordinator/ direct support which I was offered at the end of the interview. Following the acceptance of that job I put in my notice had the previous job.  Than we had some difficulty after I started I was there for a year we were home when a tornado hit and it knocked us out of the rental. Shortly before the tornado hit we had found out we were expecting and than because of stress we lost the baby. In a short few months we lost a house and a baby. A few months after having a procedure to remove the deceased baby we found out we were expecting again. Shortly after that we found another place to rent and I once again began to think about masters programs. This time thinking about an msw believing that would be a better avenue because I would be in just a narrow field of focus.

Jumping ahead to about a year ago the case manager and administer for my house that I work at both moved on. The two positions at that point were separate ( prior to the departures) then someone was hire to fill the combined vacancy. After a few months of that it was decided that the positions were to be split up at which point I applied and was once again not chosen. For a short time we had a new case manager but she found a better fit elsewhere within the company. Then the job was filled again this time I did not apply. Once again we have a new case manager but we also as a company said fair well to the executive director and hello to new director.

Now I am thinking about a masters in aba because I look at my experiences and see that I have worked in some capacity with populations of people that have behaviors of some sort. I also recognize that it could be beneficial in the non profit down the line.

Eye opening

Before I switched jobs; I had several realizations about the previous company I was working for. I noticed a couple of things about the company; 1) the company heads were more about the money than helping the clients and 2) there was way to much favoritism in who received advancement opportunities.

 I also noticed within myself several things: 1) I could not get restful sleep, 2) I did not agree the the head of the company being more worried about the money, 3) I had little options for true advancement, 4) I felt that I was missing more time with my child, and 5) I could not stand the amount of coworkers that did not do their share of the work.

Lessons it taught me: 1) how to remain calm when around some one who has seizures, 2) how to snap into action when someone tries to elope, 3) how to appropriately practice active listening, 4) how to approach someone calmly and de escalate a crisis, 5) how do properly document behaviors, and 6) how to approach a person in crisis both with an open demeanor and without allowing my beliefs or feeling to color the situation.

At my previous job I worked with many people that I learned a lot from. Many of them cared deeply about the clients. The culture of that place was toxic because there was a decent about of people that viewed the job as a paycheck and sis not care about their impact on the clients.

Once I found and started my current job I saw less of the toxic culture. I was happy to know I no longer had to worry about severe physical violence on a regular basis. Not that it doesn't occasionally happen there is much less of it. I no longer feel like I'm missing things with my child. I don't love my schedule but I do love how much I get to see my child.

Work as a ministry not a job

I am still learning to view my work as a ministry instead of a job. I have realized as I go through this process what helps the most is to not focus on the money. Focusing on the pay makes resentful workers who focus on the lack of money being compensated for their work. Employees need to focus on working as a team and helping clientele. When I started focusing more on the group I work with I was able to better serve them and set an example for coworkers.

Purity and marriage

What does purity look like in marriage?

1) Modest dress: not allowing yourself to be a distraction for other married men or for single men. Only sharing your body with your husband. Be covered up and dress age appropriate. 

2) Purity of thought: focus your thought both on God and your husband. Constantly reevaluate what your thinking about. Don't allow yourself to watch movies or shows that will cause you  to stray in your thoughts.

3) Purity of heart: allow God to help guard your heart. Only allow your husband to hold the key to your heart. Remain true to him and don't let your eyes and emotions wander.